Monday, January 7, 2008

An unfathomable city

After tRavelling for 20 days, over 7 cities, new york has emerged as the most intriguing city of 'em all. Or rather, the unfathomable city as i would term it... I can't quite fathom its character as an intellectual city of intricate railway lines and carefully planned city organization, or as a decaying city with ignorance towards the forgotten generation of lower class citizens. On the other hand, the decaying city portrayal projects a tinge of intellectualism as i marvel at how this generation strives for a living. Be it busking with an acoustic guitar in hand, walking through subway doors to beg for a living, or simply chatting up with someone in the hope that a generous hand would be offered.

A ride in the subway station has become one of the most exciting part of the day, whcih is also probably the most educational trip one can get in new york city. The observation of the dilapidated station, to the pple within the station, to the people in the trains reveal the plethora of population composition in new york city. I marvel at the musical abilities of the busking population in the station, the unique individuality of each passenger. I can't help realize that each individual stands out on their own: be it from their dressing, their facial expressions, the book they are holding on to, the clothes they are wearing. For example, i have become an expert at identifying a tourist from a local. Probably, the most intriguing people are the buskers i meet everyday: buskers voicing songs with their acoustic guitars; playing to the accompaniment of chinese pop songs with his erhu; swaying with the accordian; a duet between the viola and guitar to the hippish melody of mexican songs. I marvel at their dual-status as a busker and talented musician. Probably i marvel at how these starkingly different individuals are able to create a coherent identity as a new-yorker; are able to place 'emselves within the society of new york city without creating a sense of displacement.

This sets me wondering whether i have fully realized my identity or how true it is to my life. Conceptions with regards to myself prior to this 4 months now seem silly and gullible. ITs scary to realize this since everything i believed in were based on these conceptions. When these old conceptions go to past, new conceptions start to be conceptualized; old beliefs are annhilated and new beliefs are conceived. BUt i feel lost when these new beliefs and conceptions are not conceived nor conceptualized. The center of identity and self is lost and teh desperate need to recover this center arises...